dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date. I will not get drunk on our first date.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Yeah I blacked out in a wiener costume.... I think I'm ready to come home now.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
Randomize
