so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
It's raining beautiful colors and I don't know what the fuck is going on
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
A drank guy in the ER just sang Trouble to me and when he sang 'Lying on the cold hard ground' he threw himself onto the ground and landed on the wrist he'd just broken. Thirsty Thursday is weird already and it's not even 5.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
😂😂😂 what are we doing to these poor guys?!
Maintaining the status quo.
Damn victory sex feels great
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
i love you and all, but can that be the last orgy with your wife?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Omg. I'm living macklemores best life. I have someone's granddads dog, I'm about to have someone's grandmas car. I look incredible.
Randomize
