ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So my game is weak??
If your game is "Lets have sex, and maybe pizza" then yes.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
Randomize
