This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
I just realized last night I drunk-bought a flight to Florida for this weekend...kinda torn between the price and the potential of awesomeness
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
When are you going to accept the fact he is gay?
Come on... He's just practicing.
Ok. That's acceptable.
They just dared her to tape flip flops to her tits. Entertainment value cannot be found like this in any other part of America.
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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