Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
He literally said to me "go ahead and answer that text message while I eat you out"... Maybe I AM the relationship type...
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I had to take on your role as drunk idiot....I have no idea how you do it so well and so regularly. That shit is exhausting.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
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