guys are not supposed to queef...right?
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
Did you really just call a picture of your erect penis art?
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Randomize
