The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
I found a phone book at the party and started calling everyone with my last name asking if they wanted to form a club. I'm meeting one for brunch tomorrow...
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Well, he asked what my sign was, then proceeded to critique me on my beer pong stance... I really need to raise my standards.
i got home safe but then alex started a fire so now we're at the hospital
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
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