What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
it never fails, everytime he manages to fuck my earrings out of my ears.
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Come find me, I'm the girl sitting alone in taco bell at 9 in the morning drinking concealed beer with a straw
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
So many weird people in this class. I can practically taste their unwanted virginities. They taste bad.
I threw up in bed last night and tried cleaning it with oldspice and baby powder
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
Randomize
