so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
theres a boy scout troop on my plane. right now theyre playing wilderness games. let me just tell you how excited i am to hit on all of them
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
It took me 3 tries to get up the front steps. They kept me motivated by waving taco bell just out of my reach. Surprisingly effective.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I was just at home taking Vicodin for a week straight. Talk about a vacation.
There is no way to say this. Dude, I peed your bed. No questions, no answers. My flight leaves in 30 minutes. Use my detergent. Also, THE VODKA IN THE FRIDGE IS YOURS.
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
