he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
Let's just be mature adults about last night and never speak of it again.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
I just remembered that you tried to trade me for a glass of wine
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I accused the cab driver of smoking weed in the taxi then I remember it was me.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
So apparently dinosaur erotica does, in fact, exist.
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
I'm bleeding and have questions
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
Why is everyone giving me a hard time for drinking?!
Your in the library.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Randomize