her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I cried at the bar for 30 minutes because I got my arm stuck in my sweater. I got free drinks for the rest of the night after the bartender helped me.
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Randomize