i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I just watched a woman in a full wedding dress and veil walk out of the chinese buffet...I no longer believe I have a problem, and am afraid I am underdressed.
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
But it's not about our feelings, it's about making the men we sleep with feel awful about their lives
Dude. I have so much pot that i only worry about running out of lighters
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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