Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
