I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
So the same day I accidentally bought waterproof mascara is the day I accidentally had shower sex. The world is finally on my side.
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
