You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
There are Star Wars cutouts in his basement. Obi Wan Kenobe watched me give him a handjob.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
You know it's been a successful day when the only reason you put on a bra was to take off your shirt
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
I now have a full length bright red cape in my possession. Best sex trophy ever.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
Randomize
