if you like me you must not know who I am
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you know you were refereeing rock paper scissors for who got to make out with your sister right?
Outside the community dumpsters: beer bottles and a carton of orange juice. Looks like we were here.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Han Solo would be ashamed of me.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
that awkward moment when you use blowjob jokes as a segue into coming out as bi
Randomize
