someone threw a dead crab at me
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i wish that every time i slipped on a sheet of ice i had the ability to recover with a michael jackson move
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
I can already feel the hangover I'll be having on New Year's Day. I don't know if I'm prepared for this.
Cancelling your gym membership calls for alcohol.
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