I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
While in Europe, he bought me a pouring tap to put on my liquor so I don't spill. This means 2 things.1) He really loves me. 2) I'm a noticeable alcoholic.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Apparently, im the only one in the world who thinks Larry King is hot.
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
Randomize
