why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
farters have to be the big spoon...
About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
My friend and I just coined a new term. OBJ. The obligatory blow job. You totally know what I'm talking about.
Like if he goes down on you first, or you just don't want to bone him yet. OBJ.
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
why is there a porcupine in the kitchen
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
Randomize
