Yeah next time you are over I'll let you beat it on her pillows and you will feel better.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I need to take "lollipop" off of every single one of my playlists cause it makes me wanna suck dick.
Let me guess--your parents are cousins.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
It's either my own vomit or popcorn butter in my ear right now. Banking on the second one.
We made popcorn last night. So it's both
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
Randomize
