I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
Me and the guy at the liquor store are on a first name basis, college is all about networking.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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