I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
I'm just going to take the mature adult root and ignore him for a bit, and then pretend like I didn't see him jerking off.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
