I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
I need a present that says please like me even though i'm banging your grandson
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Yeah, I'm sure we have time for sex AND ihop.
Randomize
