Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
okay. so this hammed chick got arrested and she keeps trying to make out with the cop. i like her style.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I don't remember how I broke my nose last night, but I woke up with dried blood everywhere. Also, you should tell that guy how you feel.
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
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