I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Note to self: never go down on a girl first thing in the morning…its like opening a grilled cheese sandwich
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
Is she bent over a couch yet or did daylight savings time throw off her usual schedule?
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Two questions: is there going to be a bathroom at this party, and can we fuck in it. This will define whether or not I enjoy going to parties with you.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
