guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
You know just sitting here carrying on a conversation with a 5 yr old about why there is puke at the landing of the staircase
Did I actually say goodbye last night or did I just poison you with vodka and disappear?
I may have farted on a group of children. It may not have been an accident.
nope. just stoned. wishing i had a golf cart.
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
I literally just want someone to fuck me and buy me cheeseburgers. I don't even want a relationship at this point. Just a chew toy and some food.
He was so wasted he lit his sink on fire with shit he found in his room....it was smokeless. Chemistry majors drunk = the coolest shit ever.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize
