There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
The creepiest man is serenading me at the bar right now. I had about a quarter of a drink left and the bartender just walked over and filled it with vodka and walked away laughing.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
I want to fling myself into the sun
My favorite part was when you kept telling everyone you were being "green" by drinking straight out of the bottle so u weren't wasting a cup.
Randomize
