the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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