Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
You lit a fire in my vagina no man can extinguish.
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
Randomize
