Remember that dream I told you about where I shit out my own skeleton? I had it again last night.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
The amount of my urine my roommate has consumed after I found out he's been eating my food almost offsets how angry I am
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
Keep it up. It gets easier when you turn 21. Something happens in people's brains when they turn 21 and all of a sudden you have the power to drink constantly and abuse drugs and still graduate with good grades and your shit together. Im almost positive I read it in my freshman year bio textbook
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
I don't think he likes that I'm always sending him pictures of me in my bra but he needs to get it together
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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