So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
Why is it that every time I type the word "give" my phone spells out HIV?! You know how many people i've told I want to HIV them something!
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
While I was fucking her, they came in and served us both weed from a hookah. best. friends. ever.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I decided tomorrow is going to be great day wether my period likes it or not
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
So my roommate and I have a written agreement stating that if he tries to sleep with his ex girlfriend, I have to immediately intervene and nut punch him then send her on her way.
this is the most serious roommate agreement ever
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
So it turns out strippers do encores if enough people yell. Encore song: Self Esteem.
Randomize
