i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
The only people who have said happy valentines day to me today have been 2 homeless people.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
shotgunning beer in rite aid bathroom. hurry
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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