Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
normally i would apologize for my drunk texting but even sober me agrees.
I'm more concerned with the fact that he was UNconcerned that live poultry could peck him in the nutsack @ any moment of sex
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
Steve just broke his bong and some kid in an american flag bathing suit and no shirt just fell down the stairs. Its dangerous here
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just melted my phone trying to make cookies. I think that's a sign.
NOT EVEN KIDDING RIGHT NOW. THE GUY IN THE SPIDERMAN COSTUME JUST FELL OFF THE ROOF INTO A BABY POOL. GET HERE NOW!!
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
His sister hates me so I took his virginity on her bed
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
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