No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Hahaha. I am actually really tight for having a kid. Like really really tight.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
She was doing hand motions and used straws from drinks like those airport light batons to have me back my "747 jumbo dick" towards you.
Literally had a conversation with the pizza as to why it was a bad idea to reach in the back seat and grab a slice while driving. The pizza was right, it was safer to just wait until I got home.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
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