just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
At lowes after workin outside. Kid behind me says "mommy that man smells like a taco" yes she was talking about me.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Can you please reassure him im not a scary or intimidating person? And that really my entire life is a series of completely ridiculous events that have led me here?
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
