She went from zero to smokin in five shots
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
what if the hokey pokey really is what its all about?
why do guys feel they can ask questions when im blowing them? you'd think they'd know my answer will always be "mmhmhmhmmm"
so we were having anal, both very very drunk when he started shouting his roomates name
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I just want to slap everyone in the face that's happy being sober. Loser.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
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