I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Another one? Damn, how many David's is that?
six.
Oh, I thought it was higher.
No, that would be the Matt's
Just had a nice conversation with my landlord while cleaning your puke off my car
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
