This girl is more easily done than said...
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
How bad is the voicemail?
You graded my boobs.... C minus. Asshole.
My synapses wont fire in a pattern that will process those facts
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
Hi. I have frying pans taped to my feet. I achave to go the hospital, theyre on pretty tight. Can't feel legs bring me juice
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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