i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I put my hydrocodone prescription in my cereal box its like real lucky charms
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Don't tell me you're on acid again
Randomize
