I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
I am a murderer. I ran over so many baby frogs. I wanted to stop and pick some up to take home, but all I have is a wine bottle. I'd hate to explain that to a cop.
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
