do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
I will always remember that night by waking up in that tablecloth the next morning
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Randomize