porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
Some girl just asked us for directions back to campus. we told her to take the first four lefts. We live on a block. she believed us
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I told her I'd give her some of the cream I was using so she didn't get my warts. That's when I realized I was too drunk.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I had a dream about a vibrator with 42 different settings. If that's not a good indication I need to get laid, I don't know what is
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
They pay me enough to pretend to be either helpful, or heterosexual. If they want both I need one hell of a raise.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
