I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
We need a shit load of segways right now
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
