Can you really blame Steve Phillips? He went to Michigan. Plowing fat girls is a 100-level course there.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
I mean. I just want to sit in my bed and eat bagels. What's wrong with that?
i sent him a nude and he responded 6 hours later
what did he say?
"oh m god,,, whow '!!!!nm"
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
MY TITS JUST CAUSED A CAR ACCIDENT ON THE HIGHWAY! i kid you not!! i thinl the giy is actually dead
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
