i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
She smells like mac and cheese, right after you add the cheese. It's strangely erotic.
My lack of memory is directly related to being friends with you.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
in the past 3 nights i've fucked a millionaire, a drug dealer and a civil engineer... i dont really have a "type" anymore
i think dick pics are a sign of a sexual renaissance
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Right. Will do. I'll call you if I need a ride. (that is a double meaning, go with it.)
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
You're lucky I just like fucking you because you would really suck at being a boyfriend.
Randomize
