Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Well it went from being a hug to a straight out tackle through the back door.
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
Not till Sunday. I'm going to sleep in my car. And I know. This place is insane. Blood on the stAirs 5 dollar slices of pizza. A girl on our floor had a stroke.
my boss told me he would look for my wallet when he went back to the strip club tonight.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
I wish drug dealers had sales for the holidays
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