She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
My chest hair is, as we speak, arching upward to embrace my neck beard. The union will be a storied one.
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
Oh man, are we repeating last 4th of July?!
That shouldn't even be a question, it's a tradition now. Hope your manhood is ready.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize