Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Idk, you were a drunk pirate that kept stealing pieces of people's costumes to keep as your booty.
That would explain all the random shit in my room...
end of the world party next friday. virgin sacrifice. tell me you know someone whos still a virgin
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
its not like i called off work either time for the purpose of tripping, it was more like well, i have nothing to do now today, there is acid and im only human.. but twice
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
I didn't realize how hungover I was until I fell asleep in my math lecture, and woke up I'm my history class. How is got there still remains a mystery...
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
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