remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Why do I have a vague memory of your entire fraternity climbing in through my bedroom window?
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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