saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
her vagine was all disorganized.
I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
i've now hooked up with two guys who have tattoos of their sister's names...so that's a reality i have to live with...
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
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