Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
This is so stupid. Now I have to call the party planner and tell her that the break up party is off. They decided to get back together.
someone needs to get her out of the garbage can shes never gonna forgive us for this
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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