wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
He literally said, while inside me, "I would smack your ass but I don't want to wake my mom up". Amazing.
Randomize
