Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
He's a firefighter, who has his own band. I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
After having to meet his mom half naked, running into the tree in front of her didn't seem so bad.
he will always be the guy i fucked in the hallway.
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
you're being stingy. if you didnt want people to have sex on your couch, you shouldve specifically said so.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
