How was dinner with ur grandparents?
I was really blazed and scared they'd catch me, so when they asked about my day I was concentrating really hard on not saying smoking that instead I honestly said "Well, I had sex on your pool table, Nana."
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I just woke up entirely naked on top of a pile of some guy's laundry on his bedroom floor.
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
Was so close to hoppin on it but then I realize it's not a dick and I needed to keep walking. Primal instincts.
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
so he's a sleeptalker.
yeah??
"Mitochondria is the powerhouse of the cell" right in my ear. 2 am.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
Randomize