if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
I just want to let you know that when you try and lie about the "solid 10" you brought home last night, I've got a picture of her and about 10 reasons you should have left her at the bar starting with those martin scorsese eyebrows.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
Girl I love you like I've been drinking all day
He's so twisted that he's acting out Dragon Ball-Z by himself. The Tanquray and THC combo doesn't play around.
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
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