I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
I'm gonna get drunk and through up on the first happy couple I see.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
But first time having sex and he went down on me twice?! I'm gonna marry this guy
I'll make sure to include that in my bridesmaid toast
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
I don't care how hot she was. She didn't like Scooby Doo and I don't fuck with that.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
