Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
He's on the porch naked. Help.
For full disclosure: I told my roommates last night that you have a very clean asshole.
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