Sweetheart, you've always been a horrid bitch...
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
What do you think it is?
It's a boy. I know it. She always manages to have a cock inside her somehow.
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Tell him to dress up like Shaggy and kidnap him then bring him to me. We can pretend. Imaagination.
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
Surely the maintenance men have seen worse than that condom right
The stock is going waaaaay up on that picture of my pussy with a bowtie on it.
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
