and then he said that some chick told him he danced like an epileptic on crystal meth. he then proceeded to demonstrate this statement, which i can testify is 100% accurate.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
Haha pretty bummed I didn't stay night yesterday after the bj fest you described
Can I bring home a duck? Dead serious
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
come over. We can flirt with the criteria for substance abuse and talk about our daddy issues
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
