You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
she said she likes her vagina punished
being with you and your tiny dick is punishment enough
It's cute how he thinks we're going to have sex again
I would do laundry with you but I vaguely remember swallowing all my quarters last night as some kind of trick.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I'm drinking and making muffins and I believe this is why God put us on earth.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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