My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
My brother is wearing glitter eyeshadow and split leg skinny jeans
You've been usurped as King of the Gays
i cant wait to be back in my element of drunk, on a barstool, ive missed home
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
We're downstairs cleaning up and she turns to me with these big puppy dog eyes and says "Just so you know, I didn't have sex on your couch". You have to hug that.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
She threw my purse across the room almost broke a lamp and this all started bc she forgot what an air mattress was
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