my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
The reason i havent seen you yet better have huge tits
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Received a verbal warning at work for "riding in a trash receptacle, violating professionalism & infection control."
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
My day in three words: secret purse cake
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
That same damn squirrel keeps staring at me like I did something wrong. Nature knows when you're hung over.
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
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