Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Randomize
