My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
Kay wants to put chicklets in our cooters to make beavers and take pix captioned Got Wood? Taking public transit does scary things to her.
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
Ps there is nothing more humbling in the world than havin to watch cheaper by the dozen on the waiting room tv while getting the morning after pill at the drs. Nothing
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Copy that. Decided to shower with a beer in a glass bottle. Gotta stop the bleeding first. Be there is 20
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
