Me. At least after what I've been through.
I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
Either call me back or tell me you're in jail. For fucks sake. If this is a cop, just help out. national league.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
