What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
I woke up this morning to the buzzer on my oven going off... I cooked fish sticks at 425 degrees for 5 hours last night. my house smells awesome
This girls' body was nothing short of spectacular...her face, was like the '09 Detroit Lions
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
It was like getting head from an anaconda
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Pretty penis doesn't make up for awkward eye contact.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
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