How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
Doubtful. That seems irresponsible. The 4th will kill you if you stopped drinking until then. Let's think logically.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
Randomize
