Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Can you tell me how this chicken finger got in my pillow case?
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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