just woke up. wallet empty. bottle empty. tattoo in pen on my arm. smell like bad sex. woke up alone. and wall-e is playing on my computer. need answers.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
You pointed at his crotch then made a thrusting motion. I think it's safe to say every guy at my college loves you.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
My mom is wine drunk and on painkillers. As invigorating as that conversation was, it was also a dark glimpse into my future
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.
Any chance the bar is open now? Also who's wedding is this?
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize